Gangrene Elegies

Raj!

2005-09-19T04:31:52Z

I haven't been emo. So I've not needed this thing.

I'm trying to hook up with Sarah again. Wish me luck.

Phonecall from Poland

2005-08-25T04:50:17Z

Well. Today, merely out of curiousity I looked over Emily's blog.

I'm sad now.

:-(

No real reason. It's just that now I'm reminded of her.

She mentioned me a couple times. Once, saying I'm the biggest asshole in the world, and once saying that her brother is an asshole for liking me more than her. Weird. I kinda smiled at that. She hates me for some reason, even though I've never ever done anything remotely bad to her. For real. Except maybe calling her a bitch and telling her to go fuck herself and stuff after our breakup. Weird. But I'm still somewhere in her thought process. Which is good or bad.

Schoolyard Freaks

2005-08-04T04:34:13Z

I got my senior pictures taken today. I wore the same obscenely sexy red and black suit I wore for prom. Ah, prom...

Anyway, it got me thinking of things like "Oh God, what am I going to do for my yearbook quote?" and what have you. And it also kind of dawned on me that this next year of schooling is going to be my last. Except for college, of course, but that's lame and doesn't count.

Yes. The last year. The nightmare is almost over. I just need to hold out for another nine months or so and then I'm fucking free from all this silly repetitive bullshit. And most seniors get all sad and stuff, because the journey of discovery with all of your closest friends is coming to an end...

But they're just forgetting that everybody's a total asshole. Total. Asshole. I won't miss that hellhole of an institution at all. Sure, I won't get to see my friends every single day anymore, but I also won't have to wade through the daily interaction with the horde of mongoloids. My peer interaction will be much more selective.

In fact, I probably won't even go to class reunions. And if I do, it'll be to purposefully get drunk and yell obscenities at all the people who pissed me off throughout my days at skool.

Anyway. Summer's coming to a close. It's mostly over. The month of June was spent with me chasing after Eryn's sweet poone, which I don't regret, because she was cool and she makes a pretty good friend. The month of July was spent seeing my friends almost everyday, which was neato. The month of August, I'd like to do something memorable. I can't think of what, though. But yeah. If you don't hear from me for the rest of this month, which is entirely possible, assume I'm off having sex with a supermodel or something. Please.

Oh Well

2005-08-01T07:11:42Z

I haven't updated in a long time, because I haven't been feeling very emo lately. I only post here when I'm emo.

Smoking the Brains From My Head

2005-07-13T04:02:03Z

Yeah.

I've been gone a lot recently, which is mostly why I haven't been updating this. I've been at my friend's houses until 6 AM every single night.

No news in my nonexistant lovelife, which is hunky-dory for the moment.

I'm just """chillin""". Y'know?

I saw a really fucking awesome sunrise yesterday. I stared at it for five minutes, and I'm not even the outdoorsey type.

I Ruin Everything

2005-06-30T19:48:41Z

Do you ever get sick of reading about my sporadic, erratic, irrational, sensational lovelife? I do.

I was at Eryn's house the other day, and we talked for a while and came to the conclusion that no definite "sparks" were flying between us. We both wished that a relationship betweeen us would work, but realized that it probably wouldn't. So yeah. Now we've decided to remain friends until further notice. Oh well. I'm not really depressed or mad or anything. Just kind of frustrated.

Oh why can't I be making love come true?

I've been working a lot lately. I don't like working. Not so much because my job sucks or anything, but it just takes up so much fucking time. The whole day is ruined. I have to work tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning, until 5:30. A super-fun nine hour shift. Hooray.

On the plus side, though, me and my homies are going to have a nerdfest at my house this weekend. Play MAGIC THE GATHERING and DDR and other cool things that get you plenty of ass. It's fun though. Being a geek is fun.

No, really, it is.

Pinkerton, anyone?

2005-06-26T08:31:38Z

Try and teach a whore about romance.

Okay. That's probably a bit too dramatic for what I'm about to convey to you, but that phrase popped into my head while it was happening.

So today Eryn invited me to this 'fest' thing at the park. And I went with her, and it was kind of lame, because I didn't know anybody there and she would talk to her friends and I would stand there awkwardly, not sure of how to jump into the conversation. I don't know what my problem is. I'm terrible at meeting people. But I had a good time talking to Eryn herself. That part was all good and fine.

Later on there was FIREWORKS. WOW. And I had been picturing this fireworks thing as being kind of "romantic" ever since she first told me about it. But then her dumb friend Ashley decided to hang around us, which turned it into a mediocre "hanging out". Fuck.

And then HERE's the kicker. Some douchebag guy came over and started talking to Eryn, and at about the same time, one of my friends decided to walk over and start talking to me. I get engrossed in my conversation, and then notice that Eryn is being very stupidly giggly/flirty with the aforementioned douchebag. She's giving him lovetaps and doing the stereotypical stupid teenage girl flirty shit. I ignored it because, y'know, we're not actually going out yet, so it's not my place to jump in there and say "HEY CUT IT OUT". And I did my best to keep talking to my buddy (Travis) but she just kept flirting with that asshole. Finally I just kind of decided "fuck it" and I left. Unceremoniously just left the fucking festival. And Eryn was all " Oh, Mark, you're going?" And I said nothing, instead turned around and gave her the most obviously fake smile I could manage. She said "Oh...okay...bye!" or something like that.

Yeah. I actually cried when I was driving home. Which is weird, and certainly not very becoming of a burly man like me, but hell. I couldn't help it.

I talked to her about it later on after I got home. She admitted what she was doing was probably not a good thing, but she didn't think of it in a flirtatious manner, because she doesn't think of that guy as a boyfriend type....whatever. I don't care. She was flirting right-fucking-in-front of me. But she did admit she was wrong, and apologized, and assured me that I was the only one that she wants.

Shit man, if we ever do date, I don't want her doing anything close to that. If she wants to date me now, and she does that kind of shit in my presence, what is she going to do when we are dating and I'm not around?

Try and teach a whore about romance. That's been the story of most of my "relationships". Maybe not true "whores", but a girls who doesn't take shit seriously. Who treat a relationship as a hobby or something. Who can throw it away like nothing. To me, that's a whore. I'm sick of dating whores. I'm hoping Eryn is not a whore.

Mercy Me

2005-06-20T02:02:53Z

I've been going back and forth between friend's houses for the past three days. I haven't slept at my house in four days. We've been doing miscellaneous random shit, like playing DDR, watching anime, etc. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty much the biggest fucking geek in the world. Oh well. Anyway, me and all my homies have been hanging out extensively lately because my friend Dave (brother of my ex, Emily) is going to Minnesota for about a month. So we won't get to chill as a big collective for quite a while. It's is sucky, but not horriffic.

Yeah. And while I was at Dave's house, Emily was there. And we had about a two hour sit-down talk, and she now tells me that she's not interested in dating anymore. I was questioning her reasoning behind this. Just three weeks ago she was telling me she still loved me and stuff, and now she doesn't have any interest?

Again, she gave no straight answer. She did say something about not being sure if she can handle a relationship...whatever. That was a bullshit answer. I think the closest thing to the truth was when she said that she talked about it with a bunch of her friends, and they all thought it was a bad idea. Emily puts WAY too much stock into what her little circle of idiotic friends thinks. I told her that if she relied on what other people thought too much, she would end up being a committee rather than a person. She seemed unconcerned.

I dated a fucking committee.

So whatever. I now see how stupid she is, and I guess it would be cool to be friends with the Emily Committee, but I seriously doubt I'll ever date her again. Ever.

Which leaves the door for Eryn wide open. And I'm probably going to ask her out before too long.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, so I must brush extra well this night! THIS NIGHT!

I think I need to wash dishes. :-(

Feel Good, Inc.

2005-06-16T00:16:59Z

My sleeping schedule's been thrown horrifficly out of sync with that of the rest of the world. I now sleep from 5 AM to 1 PM every day. It's nice to stay up all night. Kind of cool. But it's also boring at 4 AM when there's nobody at all to talk to.

The rest of my family's been off camping for the past six days or so. I'm kind of living alone right now. It's weird. I don't know if it's really all that cool or not. I have to make all my own food, which is kind of a pain in the ass. But there's much less noise, and I'm free to jump naked about my house, which I do frequently now.

Not really though.

I've gone to the movies with Eryn twice in the past week. First it was "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants", which is just as bad as you'd think it would be. Then we saw "Kingdom of Heaven", in which I almost fell asleep twice.

Eryn is really cool. She's very physically attractive, and she seems to be honest, which is often lacking in girls of such..."hotness" for lack of a better word. I still don't know what she could possibly see in me. But she always talks to me. She is geniunely interested in dating me, I know this now. Neither of us are very good conversationalists, though, so from time to time there will be an awkward pause when we're together. I don't think this is any cause for alarm, though. It's just we both suck at bringing up stuff to talk about.

I'm drifting more towards Eryn than Emily for a few reasons. One such reason is that I've told Emily that I would expect our relationship to be different if we did date again. She made a big deal about it. I told her that I would want to be a higher priority than her friends (something that I wasn't all the time). She again made a big deal about this. I'm not going to get into a long-distance relationship where I'm just a distraction for her. Something to occupy her on weekends. I would want to be MORE than a friend. I'm going to talk to Emily in about a week when she comes back to Wisconsin. If she doesn't honestly, and desperately want me back, then I'm going to say "Fuck you." I won't waste my time with someone who's just using me to waste time.

So anyway, yeah. TO SUMMARIZE: Eryn= Yes. Emily= Probably not.

Sarah= Cool girl who is better as a friend.

Me= Awesome.

Not Sure How This is Supposed to Feel

2005-06-10T05:42:41Z

ERYN is Teich's ex girlfriend. The one mentioned a little ways down there.

I went over to Eryn's house today to play some DDR, because that's what cool people do. We did such, and I think she was letting me win. But whatever. Then we watched HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE, and it was the first time I'd ever seen it, because I'm really not too hip. Nope.

And then I furiously made out with her before I left.

What.

The.

Fuck.

I don't have any idea how/why it happened. It played out something like: "Okay, I'll see you." *MAKE OUT*. Out of the blue like that. And it wasn't an awkward little peck on the cheek or anything. It was...y'know. Tongue in throat, full-body groping kind of stuff.

Yeah. So, needless to say, I'm a little bit freaked out now. It's not like it was totally unexpected, but now that it's actually happened I feel...I don't know. I don't FUCKING KNOW.

I think what makes the Mark/Eryn thing weird is that for a period of about two months I was torn between the affections of two girls, and now I'm making out with some third-party girl that I scarcely knew until a month ago.

What. The. Fuck.

Safety and Relief

2005-06-07T00:44:11Z

It's summer. We just got out of school last Friday, and so today is the first non-weekend day off from school I've had in a long time. It's nice. Because now I'm pretty much free to do whatever the hell I want, whenever I want to do it. My job is a minor annoyance, as I now only work something like 12 hours a week.

I'd nearly forgotten how fun it is to stay up all night on a caffeine high. God, I love summer so hardcore.

The Good Life

2005-06-06T05:32:55Z

It's time I got back, it's time I got back, and I don't even know how I got off the track. I wanna go back yeaaaaah.

Wow. It's been a month or so, right? Yeah. Ummm. Lots and lots of shit has gone down in these past few weeks since I last updated.

Emily has flat-out told me that she wants me back. I am tempted to get back with her because of how much history we have, and how good things once were. However, she is still exhibiting behaviors that I really...really dislike about her. But it's peculiar. My opinion of her changes about as quickly as she does. Which is really fucking quickly.

Sarah and I aren't dating anymore. Technically, we're on a 'break'. I feel bad, because I was the one who suggested it, and a big part of it was because Emily decided she wanted me back. I am a bastard, I know. But Sarah doesn't seem to be all that upset about it. We never really 'connected' that much, anyway. I don't know if our 'break' will ever be over, honestly. She's cool and fun and things, but it's really hard to get past polite conversation with her and to get at her "innards". And I don't mean her literal...intestines. That would be gross.

Also, as if the situation weren't screwy enough already...another. fucking. plot. twist.

GOD MY LIFE IS SO SOAPRATIC.

Anyway, my good buddy TEICH dumped his girlfriend.His girlfriend was really sad about it. I sensibly suggested to her that she get over it. And then she decided she wanted me.

Seems like maybe she might be doing this to get back at Teich at first glance, but she isn't telling Teich any of this stuff. And if jealously were the motive, she would be relating to him like, everything. Right?
I think so. Or maybe I'm just a pawn. But I would be the pawn of a really hot chick, so I'm not complaining.

The best thing for me to do right now, methinks, would be to just stop dating. Relationships have proven to be nothing but stress for me. And now I've got TWO CHICKS wanting me, which is so fucking weird. I don't get it at all. Look at my picture! Listen to me talk! Would you date this fucktard? Hell no you wouldn't.

Something weird is going on, man. SOMETHING WEIRD.

I need to just stop with this relationship bullshit, I think. Wait until something real and meaningful comes along, and quit with this awkward, tangled, teenage melodrama stupidity.

(On a side note, it's interesting how every girl I've ever dated/been interested in has been close to one of my friends. I've dated: my friend's sister and my other friend's ex. And now yet another friend's (teich's) ex girlfriend has said that she would like to date me. I can't meet girls on my own.) :-/

My Oh My, What A Mess We've Made

2005-04-13T02:59:59Z

I saw Sary this weekend. Yay! But Emily was there too. Boo.

Man, I was so pissed off when I first saw her. For some reason, seeing my ex-girlfriend filled me with terrible rage. This got much worse when Sarah, my current girlfriend, ran off with my EX and started talking and completely ignoring me. I was getting seriously pissed. Because like...what the fuck?

Yeah, but then Sarah came back and started talking with me before too long. And she's so cute that I couldn't stay mad at her.

And at one point in time, Emily came over to me and was all "Can I talk to you?"

And I was like..."Kay".

And she talked, and said that she wanted me and Sarah to be happy, and then she wanted a hug, and she got all weird. It was kind of strange. I hugged her. This was the first time I'd seen her face to face since we broke up way the fuck back in December.

Yeah. She later told me that she hadn't been ready to see me with somebody else, and that she thought that she might still love me, and all that jazz. But now today she seems back to normal, from what I saw of her online.

That's the thing with that Emily. She can change such huge parts of her psyche so quickly, and so completely that I can't believe it. But whatever. I don't really care what's going on with her.

Sarah wanted me to kiss her, I think. I still haven't yet, if you can believe that. But most often we meet in public places, and it would be kind of weird to have the first 'smooch' with her when a bunch of people were watching, y'know?

I'll get around to it.

Nothing Important

2005-04-06T04:45:20Z

Not much has happened in the three days since I last updated this thing. I'm just really bored tonight. I even went through the trouble of changing the site layout. I think this new one is actually harder to read, but you know what? Fuck it. I'm too lazy to go back and change it now. So yeah. It'll be like this until I grow bored enough to mess around with it again.

My therapy dude thinks that Prozac or something of a similar sort would be just dandy for me. Frankly, I don't want to take PILLS to be HAPPY. I'd rather be apathetic/sad for real than be energetic/happy because of chemicals. Whatever. It's not a big deal either way, I guess. I'm not feeling all depressed-y like I was a while back. I've got the Sary now! KA-CHING!

She's *so* into me, people. She sent me an e-mail the other day, and it was seriously cool beyond belief. She was saying all kinds of nice stuff about me, and telling me that she thinks about me all the time and stuff. And although it's very good and comforting to know that you mean a lot to somebody, (especially when that somebody happens to be your girlfriend,) I'm making very sure that I don't get 'too deep, too fast' like I did last time. She's a really great girl, but I have to make a serious effort to avoid 'falling in love' this time.

It was nothing but trouble before. And there's no guarantee that Sarah won't eventually get bored with me, too. ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY.

All that shit being said, I really, really like this chick. ^______________^

Awoke in Each Other's Arms

2005-04-04T04:27:22Z

Prom was a lot better than I had anticipated it would be. Ten times better than last year. One of the best nights I've had in a long time.

I picked Sarah up, and the conversation wasn't the greatest it could've been at first, but after a while we did better. I dropped her off at AMANDA'S house, so they could get ready together and stuff, and then I went home and got ready.

Now, I'm not one to brag, but I can say without hyperbole that I was the sexiest man on the face of the earth with the black suit and red tie look. Hot.

I went and picked up Sarah, and my buddy Dave got Amanda (his girlyfriend), and we went out to eat. All four of us. That was pretty nifty.

The actual dance part of Prom was really cool, too. I could tell that Sarah wanted to go out and dance and stuff, but like, am I gonna do it? Don't think so! But I figured "what the hell, I might as well make her happy". And so I was all "Y'wanna go dance, Sary?" She insisted she didn't. I kept asking, knowing that she wanted to, but she kept saying she didn't. She was sacrficing her own wants/interests for...me! OMGLOVE.

And after Prom king and queen were announced, a bunch of people left. There were only like, fifty of us left there, and then Sarah ran off and started dancing with a mob of girls that she'd never met before. Admirable. I could never be that confident and/or insane.

Actually I take that back. Because for a couple songs, me and my buddies went out there and started "dancing" like jackasses. Just to be funny, though. We weren't 'really' doing it, like all the girls. And at this point, it wasn't like I was going to be embarassed, because everybody still there was dancing, or just sitting around waiting for their date to quit dancing.

In between songs, Sarah came and sat down at the table, and I made a move on her...and held her hand! And she didn't relinquish it! SCORE.

And Sarah and I slowdanced for one song, and we were all like, really close and stuff. It was okay. Dare I say, I even...enjoyed it?

After prom was all done, we were faced with two choices for post-prom. Choice A: Go to a hotel and sit around and smoke pot with about ten people I know, and Sarah doesn't. Choice B: Go bowling with about fifteen people that both Sarah and I know.

We opted for B. Bowling at 2 AM is grand.

Then Sarah and I came back here, to my house. She was going to spend the night (on the couch). Funny enough, I had no intention of getting laid. See, on the car ride over, we had just established that we were "officially" together, and that cancelled any "stick-it-in" urges I had. Mostly.

So we sat on the couch and watched the TV. Between the German soccer game and the black-and-white Popeye cartoons, she fell asleep on my shoulder twice. I was drifting in and out of conciousness, leaning my head on hers and holding her hand. It was so cool. Haven't felt that good for a few months. It wasn't like any physical "wow this feels good" thing, or any "wow, we're really connecting intellectually". But just being with somebody who likes you and trusts you enough to fall asleep on you is really a good feeling. The 'togetherness' of it was 'da bomb', as they say.

Yeah. So Sarah's now 'officially' my girlfriend. We've already slept together, lolz. This weekend was really good. My therapist will be pleased. Not as pleased as I am right now, mind you, but pleased nontheless.

Prove to You That I Have Brains

2005-03-31T05:11:04Z

I've come to the a conclusion, that in retrospect, was obvious. I'm stupid. So damn guillible and easily influenced.

I talk to Emily. I feel like shit being without her and I feel like I need to be with her. My blood boils when she mentions "Alex". A smile comes to my face when she reminisces about us. Good god. I'm like some...I don't know. Something that can have it's emotions swung around violently for no reason. What do they call those things? Girls? HA HA. BuRn oN fEmAlEs!!!11 Yeah. Anyway.

I talk to Sarah. I think, "Wow, this chick is great! What do I need that other bitch for?" I grin when she makes perverted comments. I get this awesome self-confidence boost everytime she compliments me. And then as soon as I stop talking to her and start talking to that Emily, I feel lower than piss again.

Retarded.

God. At times like this I step back from my own emotions, look at myself, and how I've been acting, and realize that I'm no different than those idiotic, stereotypical television characters I see on my television screen when I watch television. I hate being this typical emo livejournal-bitch kid. But that's what I am. All this 'drama' in my life is so damn cliche, it's not even FUNNY, man.

Oh my, a youth torn between his first 'love' and a new girl, as he struggles with the concepts of self-worth and the meaning of life! The trials and tribulations of Mark's coming of age are all reported here, in this web page that's totally indistinguishable from that of literally tens of thousands of others! And even this fucking little speech has been said thousands of times before!

Right now, I realize what a jackass I've been acting like. I know that Emily is a stupid 15 year old girl, and I'm a stupid 17 year old guy, and we dated a little, and it's done now, and I should just grow up and enjoy another little romance. I know that now. But I also know that tomorrow at about this time, I'll be probably on the phone with Emily. And I'll be trying so hard to steer the conversation towards what I want it to be, and she'll be stubbornly refusing, and I'll be acting like a dumbass.

After this weekend, though, I feel things are going to be shaken up. Emily's going to the movies with some dude. I'm going to Prom with Sarah. Stuff's probably going to go down. Sarah might go down. HA HA. Emily wouldn't. She's too reserved. Actually, so is Sarah. Damn.

Anyway. Whatever, I can talk to therapist Phil about it come Monday. And he'll just smile and nod. But I don't care. I know he doesn't care what happens in my life, but it's good to vocalize these thoughts to real people. Especially people that don't know you, or care. Then it's like talking to a wall. You have nothing to lose when talking to him. You don't have to hide anything. Because if he told everybody he knows everything I've ever told him, absolutley nothing would change for me. It rocks. I tell him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. And sip coffee as he smiles and nods. He's obligated to pretend to understand whatever the fuck I'm rambling about.

Death Bed

2005-03-29T06:15:07Z

Calling all cars or coroners, we got a dead one here
And anybody else receiving this, the west coast is far from clear
Like a time bomb, a sudden death
It's gonna find you when you least expect
It's gonna leave you the emptiest feeling inside

They found me face down in the street
On the night you're left to find, another place to sleep
In rain and regret
They said they tried everything but it was no use
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you

Falling like stars into the ocean black, we're gonna disappear
And anything left recognisable is swept away with fear
We got our hearts dipped in time release
We got the know-how and the elbow grease
We got our victim all cut up down here on the floor

They found me face down in the street
On the night you're left to find, another place to sleep
In rain and regret
They said they tried everything but it was no use
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you

...One but you
...One but you

They found me face down in the street
On the night you're left to find, another place to sleep
In rain and regret
They said they tried everything but it was no use
Yeah, they tried everything and everyone but you

++++++++

That's an Alkaline Trio song, for those of you wondering. Again, I just found some random song that vaguely describes my psyche at the time and posted it.

Complications

2005-03-28T21:27:34Z

Things have been going somewhat weirdly for me as of late.

Emily's been bothering me again. And we've been talking very strangely. Sometimes it's like we're both thinking "Holy fuck, why did I ever date this prick?" and other times I think we're so, so close to getting back together again. We're not 'dating', and we're not exactly friends, and we don't hate each other. But yet we still have so much influence over each other. It's seriously the weirdest situation I've ever been in.

And yes. Prom is this Saturday. And I'm taking Sarah. Which is really cool and stuff, but things seem kind of strange now that I've been calling Emily at 11:30 at night and stuff. Yeah.

Really, I don't know if I'm being a bastard or if I'm being really logical. I have no fucking idea what's going on. At all.

Things would be so much easier if I were a hermit living in Wyoming. But I'm not. So stuff is, as the great poet Avril Lavigne once put it, "complicated".

Another Survey About Me Just for You

2005-03-24T03:43:03Z

Yes. I'm bored.

Which of your friends...

has blonde hair: Seff
has brown hair: Everybody else
has red hair: Ethan, kinda, I guess. In certain lights.
has black hair: KYLE
has some other color hair: Your mom.
has blue eyes: Who cares? Man, this is such a girly survey.
(deletes the rest)

which of your friends...

is the sweetest: Me.
is the funniest: Nate. Chris.
is the most outgoing: Teich.
is the most annoying: Teich.
is the weirdest: Billy.
is the smartest: Kyle.
is the dumbest: Teich.
is the quietest: Seff.
is the loudest: Teich.
is the shyest: Seff.
is the kindest: Nobody, we're all jerks.
is the most honest: Dave
is a liar: Teich
is the most trusthworthy: Kyle, Dave.

who is most likely to...

win the lottery: My little brother, if he counts.
become president: Me. ^____________________^
sleep with the president: Teich.Only, not if I were President. I meant, like...If Hillary Clinton won or somefing.
become a chef: Nate
become an actor: Ethan
become a singer: Nobody.
amount to nothing: Teich.
loose all their money in the stock market: Nate.
invent something: Dave, Kyle.

which of your friends is the one:

you laugh the hardest with: Kyle, Dave, Nate.
you will never forget: Your mom.
you feel you can share anything with: Kyle, Dave.
you're in love with: What the fuck?
is in love with you: Same?
you still feel awkward around: Billy sometimes. He's so weird.
you would do anything for: NOBODY, I'M A DICK.
you've known the longest: Ryan.
you've just met: Uhmm, I've known Dave for the least time, I guess.
you feel sorry for: Dave
you're jealous of: Dave
you want to set up: Seff. He needs a life.
you want revenge on: Teich. Because he sucks.

Oh Yes.

2005-03-24T03:24:14Z

So, um yeah. Another ten days in between updates. God, do I rock or what?

No, I don't. :-(

Anyway, in postive news, I saw Sary last Saturday. And it was cool. I didn't nail her or make out with her or anything, but we talked a lot and I made her laugh insane amounts and I noticed how nice of an ass she has, so it was all good. I'm going to take her to prom. I don't know if I already mentioned that or not. But yeah. She's my prom homedawg.

I saw my therapist guy the other day. Man, time flies when you're confessing your darkest fears to a complete stranger. It was an hour long "session" and I only covered a fraction of the stuff I wanted to talk about. I'm really fucked up! Awesome!

God, my dad is an asshole. That guy looks for stuff to get pissed off about. I don't know anybody else who does that. He makes a huge fucking deal about the stupidest little shit. It's stressful to be in the same room as him because you never know what he's going to start bitching about next. Stupid bastard. Most often I just smile and nod and ignore him.

Also, I hate school.

And Sarah has a nice ass.

Like Vampire Bats Deprived of Blood

2005-03-14T03:49:35Z

Yes. I've been not updating for a while, because my cool computer went crazy and decided to not let me use it. So I'm relegated to this vastly inferior computer, so updates will be coming not as frequently as they once did. For the time being.

I just got back from playing computer games at my friend's house. Man, do I kick ass. I'm so good at Counterstrike, you would not believe it.

One of my teachers at school has been being a real prick to me as of late. He's bald and stupid and everybody hates him, though, so what do I care? He wants so hard to be taken so seriously and nobody respects him at all. Once, a couple years back, some kid got a piece of paper, came up behind him, and started shining his bald head as though it were a shoe in need of polish. Boy, did that piss him off. Also, he has this lisp kinda thing going on, and it makes him sound even dumberer. What a loser. I think even among the teachers, he's an outcast. Like, the math teacher comes up and gives him a wedgie and all the other teachers point and laugh. Well, maybe not quite like that. But it wouldn't really suprise me.

I asked for this Saturday off from work because I get to see Sarah again. YES.
But they scheduled me to work anyway. BASTARDS.
But I get done before I would see her anyway. YES.
But still, they scheduled me on a day that I specified I couldn't work. BASTARDS.

I can't wait to see Sarah. I mean, I'm not like, jumping up and down and clapping my hands and grinning from ear to ear, or any nonsense like that, but it will be good to see her again. It's something I look forward to a lot.

I just have to remember to not get *too* attached too quickly, like I did with that other life-ruining bitch.

Kids

2005-03-04T03:30:04Z

Little kids annoy the hell out of me. And I don't mean the cool five year old kids. They're funny because they're really stupid and guillible and stuff. I like those kids. I mean the seventh/eigth grade demographic. The kids who are just transitioning from Yu-Gi-Oh to butt sex. An awkward age, I understand, but it's not excuse for being a total retard.

Sometimes, I have the misfortune of riding on a school bus. And there's always those bastard little kids sitting in the seats behind me, talking. And talking. And talking. And talking. And talking. About the stupidest shit too. Here's a typical conversation:

JOE: Hey, remember when we were at Casey's house, and Eli asked if he could touch your boob!?
TINA: No! That never happened you dumbass!
JOE: Yeah, he wanted to touch your...boob!
TINA: Oh yeah right.
JOE: No, he did! Remember?! Here, ask Tom! Hey Tom, remember at Casey's house when Eli asked if he could touch Tina's boob!?
TOM: What?
JOE: At Casey's house. When Eli wanted to touch Tina's boob!
TOM: Oh yeah. That was hilarious.
TINA: Oh shut up!
JOE: Ha ha! He wanted to touch your boob!

Seriously. That's how they talk. And LOUDLY, too. I have a headache everytime I get off that yellow, rolling asylum. I fucking hate them.

And also, they think they're really cool, too. The boys think that they're really funny or something. They act all like obnoxious and stupid and laugh at each other doing dumbass shit like throwing apples at walls and things. And the girls, who have boobs the size of walnuts, dress up like skanky whores and act like those skanky whores, too. Good god, just yesterday you were playing Barbies, you slut! Cover up that barely pubescent body!

I do notice though, that they mature considerably between eigth grade and ninth grade. Which is nice.

Clavicle

2005-03-01T02:34:15Z

I finally talked with that crazy Sarah again last night. It was a more serious conversation than I'm used to having with her, in which we discussed the possibility of seeing a "flick" together, and she agreed to go to prom with me, if her parents would allow me (the crazy man they've never met) to whisk her away. Woosh.

Also, I was talking to Emily at the same time, and she said the conversation was depressing her, even though I was just talking normally to her. Who cares?

My grades are bad as of late. Progress reports are due out tomorrow, and I'm going to intercept the one that's bound for my house, so that my parents can't see it and ground me because of it. Pretty damn tricky of me, right?

On an entirely different note, a teacher of mine overheard my friend and I talking about weed. I don't do it, but my friend does. It was awkward. He didn't really say anything though. PHEW. CLOSE ONE.

Well, Maybe I'm Wrong

2005-02-28T01:20:16Z

I've not talked to Sarah in something like a week. It's at least five days. I'm really kind of missing it, too. Not that we talked about anything especially profound or neato, but I did enjoy it. I should ask her for her phone number sometime. Because I think that she wants my hot bod, and talking on the phone would help in the advancement of our relationship, I think. So I could get to her hot bod faster, too.

I went to a FORENSICS tournament on Saturday, and ended up getting third place in my category (Radio). I was really pleasantly surprised by that. What made it really cool was that I put forth no effort. We get a half hour of "prep time" before each round, and I spent only about five minutes of it preparing. The rest of that time was spent reading Calvin and Hobbes or The Far Side books in the library. Ha ha! I'm awesome.

I was forced to watch "The Son of the Mask" today with my siblings. God, I'm really trying to erase that thing from my memory. It was like watching the convulsing of a newly-crushed spider. Lots of motion, absolutely no energy or charm. </critic>

I want Sarah to be online. I want to know her number. I want to sleep in her bed. Ha ha. I think she wants the same stuff from me, actually. But, y'know, I could just be stupid and optimistic. Then again, she's been giving me real strong signs. Or at least, she was before she disappeared off the face of the earth.

INTERNET SURVEY THING OR WHATEVER

2005-02-25T01:26:51Z

I stole this one from Tervbahp.

01. favorite color: Blue
02. favorite drink: Vanilla Coke
03. favorite computer accessory: uhmmm...nothing?
04. favorite cookie: chocolate chip.
05. favorite author: Garth Nix
06. favorite nsync member: THE ONE THAT I KILLED LOLZ
07. favorite way of getting caffeinated: Honestly, caffeine pills work wonders.
08. favorite chipmunk: Alvin
09. favorite ice cream: Cookie dough
10. favorite lover: Dunno, I'VE HAD SO MANY.
11. do you believe in love at first sight: Naw.
12. do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom: Yeah
13. do you put empty cartons back in the fridge: Try not to
14. do you do things you know you shouldn't: Who doesn't?
15. do you take responsibility: Rarely
16. do you have someone else's underwear: do tights count?
17. do you associate with people you don't even like: I avoid it.
18. do you have any psychological disorders: I've been diagnosed with low-grade depression before.
19. do you drink diet soda: GROSS
20. do you kiss on the first date: Not habitually.
21. have you masturbated in front of someone not your lover: WHO HASN'T? LOLZ
22. have you broken the law: I guess. Nothing too bad.
23. have you had one too many to drink: Not recently
24. have you backed into something: NEVAR
25. have you graduated high school: Not yet...
26. have you bitten someone until the bled: All the time.
27. have you ever stolen a street sign: No, but we found one just laying around once. Which is almost exactly the same.
28. have you ever been kissed: Yes
29. have you ever been in a food fight: Mild ones.
30. have you ever sucked helium: 12th birthday party. Oh yes.
31. what are you not doing: Your mom.
31. what are you talking about: Homework.
32. what are you wearing: Ninja turtles tee shirt and some jeans
33. what are you craving: Potato wedges, actually
34. what are you lusting: Your mom.
35. what are you lacking: A girlfriend.
36. what are you going to do after this: Homework, maybe.
37. what are you dependent on: good stuff? i dunno.
38. what are you hoping: Sarah will come online
39. what are you reading: Nothing. Other than this survey thing.
40. what are you listening to: I was listening to RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, even though I don't really like them.
41. last movie you saw: Garden State
42. last person you touched: Headlock to the little brother
43. last person you yelled at: my sister
44. last time you got pissed: I don't know.
45. last person you told you loved: Maybe John Wayne...
46. last thing you drank: Vanilla Coke
47. last year, what were you for Halloween: A guy who sat around his house.
48. last year, you were: 16
49. last time you were on the phone: yesterday, maybe?
50. last song you heard: "KNOW YOUR ENEMY"
51. do you want to get married / divorce: Seven times each. :-)
52. do you want to have children/ names?: No children, just names.
53. do you want to tell certain people off: Mostly Michael Moore.
55. do you want to be somewhere else: Hawaii? I dunno.
56. do you want to be someone else: No, I just wish I was awesomer.
57. do you want to be famous: Not famous. Maybe recognizable. Not famous.
58. do you want to go for a walk: No. I'm lazy, and it's winter.
59. do you want to hug anyone: Sure.
60. do you want to make a difference: I dont really give a damn.
61. how do you feel about PDA: As long as they're not stupid about it.
62. how do you feel about the other PDA: PISSED OFF.
63. how do you feel about alternative lifestyles: Is this about gays? Whatever. Just leave me alone and I don't care.
64. how do you feel about president bush: I think he's pretty neat.
65. how do you feel about birth control: People should use it more.
66. how do you feel about abusive relationships: THEY'RE GREAT. What do you think?
67. How do you feel about the internet: Too much porn. Not enough hentai.
68. how do you feel about your family: Mostly dumber than me. Yeah, I'm arrogant.
69. how do you feel about your friends: They rule.
70. how do you feel about polygamy: It's kind of extinct.
71. do you like jelly beans: No.
72. do you like it when it rains: Only when I'm inside watching it.
73. do you like to drive: I dont care.
74. do you like to eat out: Kinky.
75. do you like being home: When dad's not around. HA HA!
76. do you like the people (or animals) you live with: I guess.
77. do you like emo: As in, music? I suppose. Not the really gay stuff, though.
78. do you like Microsoft: Again, I don't give a fuck.
79. do you like your name: A little boring, but not too ungodly common.
80. do you like the person you ganked this from: She's cool, but she thinks I'm annoying. whatever. LOVE YOU TERVY!!! :-)
81. worst musical artist: Good Charlotte, hands down.
82. worst feeling in the world: That you're worthless to someone who means a lot to you.
83. worst color combination: yellow and blue.
84. worst texture: Your mom?
85. worst taste to burp: Your mom.
86. worst thing about people: Rampant stupidity.
87. worst thing about outer space: Too expensive.
88. worst element on the periodic table: Einsteinium.
89. worst disease / infection to get: Maybe the ebola. That's supposed to suck, I hear.
90. worst position to sleep in: On one's back.
91. you are: Uninteresting.